The media have been reporting a boat load of horrific stories lately, and with the apprehension of alleged multiple kidnapper, rapist and dungeon keeper Ariel Castro in Cleveland, it all got to be a bit too much for my girlfriend Cerise. “I’m going to the zoo this weekend, Tom,” she announced to me on Thursday, “and afterward, I’m going to see a musical comedy. And you’re coming with me.” Cerise is very strongly convinced as to the capability of both cute, furry wildlife and musical comedies to create an uplifting, cheerful and positive mental state, whatever else might be happening in the world. And I believe in doing whatever my girlfriend tells me, within reason. I don’t mind the zoo [...]
As regular readers of this Web log know, I have no problem with clients who prefer to remain anonymous. They don’t qualify for free initial consultations, of course, but I do ensure that the price of anonymity is, as we say here in Washington, de minimus – the cost of a mere thirty minutes of my attention and advice. Given that my standard and customary consultation is an hour and a half, that’s quite a bargain, in my opinion anyway. Payment for clients who decline to reveal their identities is, naturally, required up front in cash, and by cash I mean US dollars. But despite his coming prepared with a considerable wad of bucks, it proved necessary for “Dick,” the [...]
Apr 202013
Friday afternoon Gretchen put through a call from Mark Sanford, former Republican governor of South Carolina, nationally recognized defender of conservative values, renowned hiking enthusiast and noted aficionado of Argentine firecrackers. Sanford: Hello? Is this Tom Collins? Tom: Yes, governor, it is. Sanford: I… um… Rand Paul tells me your first consultation is… uh… Tom: Free of charge. Sanford: Yes. Tom: That’s correct. Sanford: Oh, good, because my God, your rates, they’re, well, sort of… astronomical I guess is the word. Tom: My regular clients understand the adage, “You get what you pay for,” sir; and in fact my schedule today, as on most days, including two or three Saturdays a month, is booked rather tightly with their appointments. And [...]
DOD Sex Scandal Keeps Boiling Despite Fourth Place Billing
Friday morning at 06:00 sharp, Colonel Randy Boener, gender affairs commander, the Joint Chiefs of Staff Military Conduct Policy Task Force, strode smartly into my office and took the seat directly in front of my desk. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Colonel… um…” I began, stymied as I looked at his name tag. “That’s pronounced BEN-hur,” my guest replied. “Like the movie with Charlton Heston, but with the accent reversed. It’s Flemish.” “Thanks,” I continued. “And what can I do for the Joint Chiefs of Staff Military Conduct Policy Task Force this morning, Colonel Boener?” “You’ve heard, I assume,” he opened, “about the sexual harassment scandal that came to… a head… at the Pentagon this week?” “Yes,” I acknowledged, “despite there being ongoing crises [...]