May 082016

Ritual apologies for taking so long between posts this time. But lately, however, the combination of rampant, surreal domestic political farce and numerous concurrent problematic international situations has pushed the demand for my advice through the roof. For the last three weeks, a constant stream of Washington insiders and foreign dignitaries has been running to my office with their hair on fire, beseeching me for solutions to their apparently monumental and seemingly insoluble predicaments. Gretchen and I have been putting in twelve and fourteen hour days, and, as is sometimes necessary, have added Saturdays to the appointment schedule. As if that weren’t enough, two weeks ago Cerise got rear-ended around half past midnight on the Whitehurst Freeway at high speed […]

Apr 142016

This afternoon, I had a consultation scheduled with Dr. Jose Baboso Verga Pendejo y Grandmaricón PhD, Principal Economic Attaché for International Banking and Finance at the Embassy of Panama here in Washington DC. We were supposed to discuss the effects of depressed petroleum prices on the exchange rates of reserve currencies with particular emphasis on the Chinese Yuan in light of its recent designation as such by the IMF. But the long face he pulled when he plunked down wearily on the couch in my office told me otherwise. This gentleman had something else on his mind, and it wasn’t at all pleasant. “Tom,” he wailed, staring up at the ceiling in despair, “thank your lucky stars you aren’t a […]

Mar 082016

Saturday night, I met Cerise at the Round Robin Bar for cocktails prior to attending a show at the nearby Warner Theater. In retrospect, maybe we should have gone to the Old Ebbitt Grill or POV instead, because the Round Robin turned out to be a total zoo of drunken Republicans, crying in their beer about Donald Trump. Well, some of them were crying in their beer about him, actually, but most of them had gone quite a bit farther than that. “Don’t look now,” Cerise whispered to me as we waited for the bartender to serve us, “but I think that guy over there in the corner is banging his head against the wall.” “Oh yeah,” I replied, “I […]

Feb 212016

On Saturday, February 13, 2016, while on a hunting trip at the Cibolo Creek Ranch in Texas, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia finally did what many people – mostly liberals, of course – had been wishing he would do for three solid decades. He laid down and died. I subsequently spent three hours of my Sunday afternoon on the telephone with my dear sister Rose’s husband, Hank, and his sister-in-law, Shannon, discussing Scalia’s demise. As regular readers of this Web log know, Hank and Shannon are highly conservative Catholics, just like Justice Scalia was, and their first reaction to reports of his passing was one of extreme, conspiratorial hysteria. As far as Hank and Shannon, hunkered down in their survival […]

Feb 012016

Last Tuesday morning, I was visited by Dr. Singe Saleté, Federal Policy Consultant to the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality. “I’ve been waiting nearly a week for an opening in your schedule,” she complained as she seated herself in the chair immediately in front of my desk. “It appears you are a very difficult person reach. Is it always this hard to see you?” “The last ten days have been especially tough,” I explained. “Because of the snow storm, everyone with an appointment on Friday the twenty-second wanted to move it to one of the days earlier in the week, and everyone with a Monday appointment this week wanted to move it to today or tomorrow. The inherent chaos created […]