Apr 192015
 

Shortly after lunch yesterday, Gretchen began to receive frantic calls from the Associated American Federation of Educators, a well-known and powerful national lobby of K through 12 teachers here in Washington DC, urgently requesting a consultation as soon as possible. As it happened, the Turkish Foreign Under Secretary to the United States had to cancel – as a result of being beaned with an iron skillet during an argument with his Welsh wife about who committed the first genocide, the British or the Turks. The Turks, of course, as Kanye West and the Kardashians, as well as a somewhat lesser celebrity who goes by the name of Pope Francis are making sure everyone knows, killed a lot of Armenians a […]

Apr 092015
 

Today, I received a visit from Dr. Vilaremetaftia Kolodaktilo. As regular readers of this Web log will recall, Dr. Kolodaktilo was once the Principal Secondary Assistant Mattachine Attaché for High Culture at the Greek Embassy here in Washington. Those readers may also recall that was several years ago, and under a different Greek government. Like all successful diplomats, however, Dr. Kolodaktilo is a consummate survivor, and today he has assumed a new position and, I might add, a new role with the recently incumbent Greek regime. His current title, still at the Greek Embassy here in Washington, is Second Primary Under Assistant Economic Advisor to the Prime Minister, USA Station. This allowed him to remain inside the Beltway, a place […]

Mar 112015
 

This morning, just as I concluded a consultation about Boko Haram’s latest overtures to ISIL with a distraught Nigerian diplomat, Gretchen buzzed me on the intercom. “Mr. Collins,” she told me, “there’s this old Southern lady on Line Two. She sounds exactly like Woody Allen imitating Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire.” “Did this person give a name?” I asked. “Yes,” Gretchen answered, “she says she’s named Linsey or Linseed or something like that.” “And this person wants to speak with me?” I inquired. “Uh-huh,” Gretchen confirmed, “she seems pretty adamant about it.” “And this person,” I sought to confirm, “is haughty, arch and condescending but nevertheless obviously a pathetic bigot and a total ignoramus?” “Right,” Gretchen huffed, “she […]

Feb 242015
 

Today, I conducted a telephone consultation with Dr. Wei-Hock “Willie” Soon, part-time employee of the Harvard – Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics and co-author of The Maunder Minimum and the Variable Sun – Earth Connection; Proxy Climatic and Environmental Changes of the Past 1000 Years; Modeling Climatic Effects of Anthropogenic Carbon Dioxide Emissions: Unknowns and Uncertainties; Estimation and Representation of Long-term ( > 40 year ) Trends of Northern-Hemisphere-gridded Surface Temperature: a Note of Caution; and, Variation in Surface Air Temperature of China During the 20th Century; as well as sole author of Non-equilibrium Kinetics in High Temperature Gases; Variable Solar Irradiance as a Plausible Agent for Multidecadal Variations in the Arctic-wide Surface Air Temperature Record of the Past 130 years; […]

Feb 182015
 

Monday was Presidents Day, which is a federal holiday, thus sparing America, for twenty-four hours, at least, from the incompetence, ignorance and idiocy of the United States Civil Service. But as usual, federal holidays bring no respite for Gretchen or myself, since I have plenty of other clients to deal with; it’s simply a matter of booking their consultations solid every federal holiday from seven in the morning until six at night. My eleven o’clock appointment, for example, was Percy M. Filch, a senior partner in Steele, Filch and Robb, a K Street lobbying firm. True to his usual form, he had called for an appointment at the last minute on Friday afternoon and Gretchen only just managed to squeeze […]