Bright and early on Wednesday morning, I welcomed Dr. Angus MacFergus McTavish Dundee Ph.D., President of the American Scottish Independence Society, to my office for a policy consultation. “Congratulations,” I said as he seated himself primly on the chair immediately in front of my desk, “it looks like the upcoming independence referendum in Scotland next week will be going your way.” “Frankly,” he sighed, “that’s why I’m here.” “You don’t seem very cheerful about the prospect,” I observed. “I would have thought you’d have worn your kilt of Dundee Clan tartan and perhaps favored me and Gretchen with a few bagpipe tunes. Or perhaps you’re waiting until after the referendum, when you will be certain there is something to celebrate?” [...]

 

At 9:25 AM on Thursday morning, I welcomed Tyrone Mohammed Nguyen Garcia-Vasilescu, principal lobbyist for the Association of Independent American Taxi and Limousine Operators, which is headquartered here in Washington DC, to my office for a consultation. His appointment was for nine o’clock, and to say he was in a state of extremely ironic high dungeon would be an understatement. “Would you believe,” he inquired as he plunked his ample frame on the couch in front of the picture window overlooking the White House and slammed his Louis Vuitton briefcase on the coffee table, “that I couldn’t get a cab?” “During rush hour, in this city,” I assured him, “absolutely.  That’s hardly unusual – even if it isn’t raining cats [...]

 

Yesterday, Gretchen had occasion to squeeze Dr. Bashafala Kumanina Kinuka Mkundu, Primary Under Assistant Secretary for Economic, Cultural and Scientific Affairs of the Ugandan Embassy to the United States of America, into my consultation schedule. “Mr. Collins,” she complained to me via IM Chat from her computer in the reception area, “this Dr. Mknundu is totally obnoxious. He’s hitting on me, and his pickup lines are bordering on the psychotic.” “Such as what?” I IM’d back. “He says, in his country,” she replied, “he would pay twenty cows, forty sheep, sixty goats and a hundred chickens for me. Not only that, but he’s leaning forward right into my face, his breath smells like rotting garbage, and he’s got a bulge [...]

 

Things had been comparatively quiet here in Washington until a couple of weeks ago, allowing Gretchen and me to take Saturdays off. But as the planet’s various political herpes sores erupted everywhere upon it once more, like those which appear on nervous, lonely thirty-something women the night before the big two week Caribbean cruise with their prospective Mr. Right, my appointment calendar spilled over into the weekend yet again. My first consultation yesterday was with Dr. Nikolai Mikhailovich Otvali Mudakovich Kisov, a regular client from the Russian Embassy. For years, at intervals of four to six weeks, we have cordially discussed and clinically analyzed trade, environmental, scientific joint venture, natural resource and cultural exchange issues involving Russia, the European Union, [...]

 

This afternoon, as regular readers of this Web log can readily imagine, my dear brother Rob Roy invited himself and his son Jason over to my home in Great Falls, Virginia, to watch the World Cup Championship on the oversize HDTV in the furnished basement. And to avail themselves of my extensive collection of world-class potables while they were at it, of course. I played soccer as a kid – I’m in that demographic – and I’d be the first to vouch that it’s a very absorbing game to play. Watching it, on the other hand, is a skill I have yet to fully acquire. So while, about thirty minutes into the match, the highlight of which was a putative [...]

© 2012 Tom Collins' World Wide Web Log Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha