Friday night at the Round Robin Bar, I spied Hambis Gaurospore Gamotinmanasu, First Attaché for Economic Policy at the Cypriot Embassy here in Washington DC. There’s this Mediterranean brandy, Metaxa, which is considered a bit déclassé, for the most part. The Round Robin stocks the top-of-the-line item, Metaxa Grande Fine – in the back, of course – for just such customers as Mr. Gamotinmanasu, however, and that’s what he was drinking, and a lot of it, apparently. “Ah, my friend Tom,” he beckoned, “come, sit!” He gestured at the empty bar stool to his right; the one to his left was also unoccupied, despite the bar being packed. As I sat down, I suspected his rather pronounced Mediterranean body odor might [...]
Gretchen demands at least one Saturday a month off from work, and to be honest, I’m sort of glad she does. For me, this particular Saturday afternoon, as it turned out, was just myself at my home in Great Falls, Virginia, with nobody there for company but my cat, Twinkle. My girlfriend, Cerise, had decided to attend a demonstration of Venetian glass making at Glen Echo, Maryland and my accidental room mate, Veronica, was away at a beach resort in the Lesser Antilles with her latest mark, yet another K Street lobbyist. So, Twinkle purred contentedly on my lap as I relaxed in the living room in front of a crackling oak and hickory fire, about halfway through a glass of Balvenie [...]
Today was another working Saturday, with appointments starting at nine and running until seven. That was enough for me, to be sure, and more than enough for Gretchen, who asked if she could leave at five in order to get an early start on her evening plans, consisting of a dinner date in Georgetown followed by an extended club crawl in Adams Morgan. So I was receiving clients myself at six, when I conducted a consultation with Special Agent Reginald Proctor Monitor from the FBI Office of Professional Responsibility. “Mr. Collins,” he sighed as he sunk into the couch by the picture window in my office, “I guess I don’t have to tell you about the Bureau’s latest major problem.” “That [...]
North Korea’s Fearless Leaders’ Chicken Nephew
Earlier this afternoon, Cerise and I were lying in bed at my home in Great Falls, Virginia with all the windows open enjoying the marvelous brisk spring air and sunny weather, combined with the afterglow of a black truffle omelette, Dom Pérignon champagne blood orange mimosa and Beluga caviar brunch, with its natural consequents, when my land line telephone rang. A quick glance at the coded message on my Caller ID revealed who it was – Kim Jong Un, Glorious and Infallible Supreme Communist Dictator of the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea. Kim: Tom? Tom? Is that you? Tom: Sure. How’s it going, Most Excellent and Brilliant Light of the Free and Proud North Korean People? Kim: Oh come [...]