http://www.tomcollinsblog.com humor satire lampoon politics finance society diplomacy economics news Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:57:17 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Around ten o’clock this morning, I heard an intense flurry of highly-accented yelling coming from the reception area outside my office.  Somebody was screaming obscenities at Gretchen, my blonde, blue-eyed twentysomething Pennsylvania Dutch private secretary.  Line One rang. “Mr. Collins,” Gretchen calmly informed me, “there’s a Mr. Makat Zayin from the Israeli ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=278 My three o’clock consultation today was O’Meanahan, a top-echelon conservative Republican strategist.  To say that he was beaming would be totally insufficient.  To opine that he appeared self-satisfied would be a gross understatement.  To aver that he appeared triumphant would be a pitiful misrepresentation.  No, O’Meanahan looked like the cat ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=277 I had just arrived at the office this morning, perhaps five minutes after Gretchen opened up in preparation for an early consultation appointment, when the telephone rang.  After answering, Gretchen put her hand over the receiver and gave me a knowing look.  “It’s Mahmud Ahmadinejad,” she whispered.  “He sounds drunk.” “Usually ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=276 Wednesday morning, I received a visit from Liermann, a Democratic strategist.  Refusing coffee or tea, he sat there in my office, glumly popping antacid tablets, clearly beside himself. “Tom,” he whined, “the Democrats are about in the absolute worst situation for a mid-term election a person could possibly imagine.  Not only ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=275 I said the age of one my life begun At the age of two I was doin’ the do At the age of three it was you and me Rockin’ to the sounds of the master gee At the age of four I was on the floor Givin’ all the freaks what they bargained for At ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=274 “Ahmed” came by the office yesterday.  The last time he was there, I scheduled him as the final appointment of the day so the place would have at least twelve hours to air out.  That did not, however, prove effective.  The next morning, “Ahmed’s” world class camel-jockey body odor still ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=273 Today’s miserable outdoor conditions were more proof (as if we needed it here) that the primary difference between Hell and Washington DC in the summer is that Hell has dry heat.  The mercury climbed to around one hundred this afternoon, and with the humidity, it felt like about one hundred ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=272 My dear sister Rose stopped downtown for lunch on Thursday, and, as usual, she chose the restaurant, opting for the Occidental, a truly venerable Washington institution that’s been around since the turn of the last century.  In 2006, it moved next to the Willard Hotel, where the Round Robin Bar ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=271 Usually, my Department of Defense clients book their appointments well in advance.  They also like to come in early, too; meetings at 06:00, as they like to call the unquestionably barbaric hour of six a.m., are not uncommon.  In order to attend such a consultation, I am, of course, required ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=270 I scheduled cookouts on the deck for July third and Independence Day, too, so I’m certainly grateful that the weather here in Great Falls, Virginia is cooperating.  It’s sunny, it’s dry and the temperature’s perfect.  At least it was today, and the forecast for tomorrow indicates more of the same.  ... http://www.tomcollinsblog.com/?p=269