FBI Not Necessarily a Nest of Sexting Villains

Feb 232013
 

Today was another working Saturday, with appointments starting at nine and running until seven.  That was enough for me, to be sure, and more than enough for Gretchen, who asked if she could leave at five in order to get an early start on her evening plans, consisting of a dinner date in Georgetown followed by an extended club crawl in Adams Morgan.  So I was receiving clients myself at six, when I conducted a consultation with Special Agent Reginald Proctor Monitor from the FBI Office of Professional Responsibility.  “Mr. Collins,” he sighed as he sunk into the couch by the picture window in my office, “I guess I don’t have to tell you about the Bureau’s latest major problem.” “That [...]

Sequestration – A Terrible Idea Whose Time Has Come

Feb 172013
 

Dumfry and Dean are identical twins.  When they were but six weeks old, their mother died in an automobile accident where the car she was riding in was hit from behind by a large truck, causing her to be thrown out through the windshield from the front passenger seat and subsequently run over by passing police cruiser, which was unable to stop in time as it skidded on the wet pavement.  Their father had passed away from lung cancer only months before.  That was in the days before seat belts, anti-lock brakes and surgeon generals warnings on cigarette packs, and the brothers are middle-aged professionals now.  They were separated at that tender age, however, and put up for adoption.  Dumfry grew up with a [...]

Republicans Form Circular Firing Squad Around Karl Rove

Feb 102013
 

Representative Steven King, of Iowa’s Fourth Congressional District, had been pestering Gretchen to get a telephone consultation with me since the last days of January.  Finally, she managed to fit him in on Friday, February 8th. King: Hello, is this Tom Collins? Tom: Yes, Representative King, that’s me.  How can I help you today? King: Well, uh, first of all, they tell me your fees are… um… kind of astronomical. Tom: You get what you pay for, sir.  And whom, may I ask, are “they?” King: Ah, well, the people who recommended you, actually. Tom: And who might they be? King: Ron Paul and his son, Rand.  Ron gave me your number, actually.  But they also said you don’t charge [...]

Obama Shoots the Skeet at Camp David

Feb 022013
 

At thirteen minutes past ten this morning, Gretchen and I were laboring through another working Saturday with a full schedule of clients, when I received an urgent call from Kathryn Cordite, a staffer for United States Representative Marsha Blackburn (R – Tennessee). “She’s pretty near hysterical,” Gretchen told me as she peeked through the heavy oak doors that separate the reception area from my office, “and she says she absolutely has to have an appointment today at the very first opportunity.” “What would you recommend?” I asked. “That I tell her she’s in luck,” Gretchen answered.  “Just before she called, the Embassy of Zimbabwe cancelled your eleven o’clock appointment with their chief economist.” “It figures,” I replied.  “As of COB yesterday, [...]

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