Aug 042015

Cerise and I were enjoying breakfast in bed Sunday morning when the caller ID displayed a familiar number which, nevertheless, had not appeared there for quite a while – it was the mobile phone number of my dear brother-in-law, Hank. As regular readers of this Web log know, Hank ran off to West Virginia with his brother Arthur’s wife, Shannon, there to prepare along with their fellow like-minded conservative survivalists for the advent of the Apocalypse and Armageddon, events they are all certain President Obama, whom they are similarly convinced is the Antichrist, will bring about as part of his worldwide Satanic liberal conspiracy. This has left my dear sister Rose and Arthur to care for their two families’ huge […]

Jul 282015

Prior to taking in The Book of Mormon Sunday evening at the Kennedy Center, Cerise and I enjoyed an early dinner at the Willard Hotel, followed by cocktails at the Round Robin Bar. There we witnessed Bodine and Garcia, Senate staffers for Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and freshman senator Ted Cruz, respectively, engaged in a heated discussion over their drinks. “Three times!” Garcia bellowed, pounding his fist on the table for emphasis, “just like Peter denying Jesus! Three times your man McConnell denied there was a deal to attach funding for the Export-Import Bank to the Comprehensive Transportation and Consumer Protection Act of 2015 in exchange for their votes last May in favor of Trade Promotion Authority! Three times!” “That,” […]

Jul 192015

Friday was the regular Republican National Committee consultation appointment, and Dick Bilmoer, their premier political policy wonk extraordinaire, was in a state of high dungeon. “Damn it all, Collins!” he bellowed as he flung himself down on the couch in front of the picture window overlooking the White House, “there’s no underestimating the idiocy of the American voter!” “Excuse me,” I opened, “but hasn’t that been one of the basic tenets of Republican strategy for the last one hundred and twenty years?” “Yeah, sure,” he acknowledged, “but not like this! We’ve got fourteen perfectly viable, sensible, conservative, law-and-order, family-values, free-market economics Republican candidates out there, and the polls say likely primary and caucus voters won’t give them the [expletive] time […]

Jul 082015

It was that weekend around the Fourth of July, and six entire consecutive days away from the office is a welcome rarity for Gretchen. And as it turned out this morning, she certainly needed the equanimity a short vacation can confer, as Austin Houston Crockett Bowie Bonham III – married horndog Texan who should know better – spent nearly five minutes on trying to pry a home telephone number out of her before giving up in frustration and allowing Gretchen to transfer the call to me. Austin: Hello, Tom? Tom: Yes Austin, it’s me. How are you doing? Austin: Mighty disappointed with that there receptionist of yours, for one thing, that’s for sure. Tom: She’s my private secretary. Austin: A […]

Jun 242015

McDonnell is a macro economist at the American Enterprise Institute, an ostensibly nonpartisan public policy research think-tank here in Washington DC. Well, as Teddy Roosevelt used to say, horsefeathers!  AEI is a community of sycophantic, neoconservative scholars and their obscenely wealthy supporters committed to making sure that the rich get richer and the poor get children. Well, all right, I admit it, that’s downright genocidal nasty of them, but they do pay their bills on time, okay? And keeping up my highly respectable domicile in Great Falls, Virginia involves me paying quite a few bills of my own, so I try not to be too judgmental – after all, who says the poor don’t deserve more children? He’s a regular […]